That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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