to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
