so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
