he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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