okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
