take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
