Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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