How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can't trust your balls anymore.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
