Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
