I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We are all done wearing pants today
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
