I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
