Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
