i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We smell like vodka and hangover
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
