her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
