He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
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just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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