While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
