she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
