o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
