doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
