He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
