It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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