So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
