So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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