I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
