I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
