i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
