The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
