So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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