I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
