I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
