So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
