Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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