I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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