she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
