Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
and she was petting her beer can
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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