I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
