This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Still dying that you shit outside
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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