I need help removing her.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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