Sry I called you an 8
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
