i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
