Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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