hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
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i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
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