i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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