is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
