I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
