Swine flu. Run for my life!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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