My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
