So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
