I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
