Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
