Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
