I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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