Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
