why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
