I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
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Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
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This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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