you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
