Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just had sex on a roof
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
