I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
