I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We left the knife in your bed.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
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I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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