I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
