Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
