so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
