I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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