I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
