my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
