nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
