As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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