i was born a porn star she said
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
