I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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