corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
