I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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