I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
