oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
