dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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