The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My feet surprised me
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