i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
