The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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