A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
