She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
