i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
