I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Randomize
