I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I look better un-naked...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
