So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
