RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
