I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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